Sex Is Not Love

This week’s readings explore the reasons why women all over are having more pre-marital sex than ever. In Lusting for Freedom, Walker argues that “If you’re a girl, sex marks you” (Walker 20). In today’s society, sex is a common and contentious subject that has dramatically changed over the years. In our grandparent’s generation, sex was for married adults with the intent of procreation. Today however, there are eleven year olds such as Anastasia Higginbotham who, in Chicks Goin’ At It, describes herself as wanting “The hard edges that come from having a lot of sex with many lovers” (Higginbotham 13). Women of all ages are having more sex than ever and for all types of reasons. Higginbotham describes society’s view of virginity as “Implied immaturity, stupidity and a dearth of passion,” adding that it “Represented all the qualities of “girliness,” none of which merited any respect at all from anyone, anywhere” (Higginbotham 12). In my high school, having sex was a cool thing to do. Instead of being proud of virginity, some girls would pretend to be having sex to fit in. Sex today is like an untold secret that is bound to spark “Curiosity and desire” (Walker 21). In You’re Not The Type, Gilbert explains her reasoning for having sex with her first male lover “Because I was fascinated with the sexual relationship he had with Kris. What he did, I wanted to do” (Gilbert 79). Not only was she enthralled by sex but was willing to mimic it in order to fit in. Walker had a similar situation, changing her personality in order to please the person she was with. “I had mastered the art of transforming myself” she explains, “Becoming what I thought each man would fall in love with” (Walker 21). Girls often have sex outside of marriage to acquire a sense of acceptance, approval, and even love. Entertainment and media bombard our young people with the message that everyone should be sexually active — that sexual activity is essential to happiness. Sex is often being confused with love. “Sex can look like love if you don’t know what love looks like. It gives you someone to hold on to when you can’t feel yourself” (Walker 20). It also may give a girl a sense of control, giving them the ability to use their bodies to say “I can give it to you, and I can take it away. It is mine, take it. Take me. Please keep me” (Higginbotham 20). Women who want to be kept and want to be loved should not have sex in order to achieve those goals. No man decides to marry, support, love, and have children with a women because she had sex with him. For women who are looking for long term relationships, the media’s idea of sex through TV and movies is not for them. It is not the “Most valuable of human essences” (Walker 22).