SEX!!!

This week’s readings on sexuality combined with last week’s readings on constructions of masculinity have a few things in common. Both weekly assignments focus on gender stereotypes and sexuality. In Laurel Gilbert’s essay You’re Not the Type, Gilbert talks about the labels she’s given by society based on her age, her child, her sexuality and style of dress. Margaret Price also talks about these labels in her essay Queer and Pleasant Danger, and how they change from situation to situation. She quotes a fellow writer, Mary Malone, to describe one of the ways a stereotype functions: “ ‘Babies make lesbians disappear.’ She describes herself as a ‘big, short-haired gal,’ but notes that the social stigma she usually encounters tends to evaporate when she’s with her small daughter.” (Pg.239, Price, Queer and Pleasant Danger).

This idea that all women with children, and all men with children have opposite sex partners is so ingrained in our culture that it might be impossible to stamp out. Price makes a good point when she says, “If parent, then straight,” and “If queer, then not a parent,” (Pg.239, Price, Queer and Pleasant Danger) because this statement nearly encompasses the world’s view of how parenting is and should be. However, our world is changing and in order to evolve with it we must learn to change the standard and depict it accurately.

We see the same kind of stereotyping happening with men today. A man is traditionally supposed to be buff and aloof, the kind of guy who buries his feelings in the backyard with a big shovel and then lights fire to the place in the ground where he hid them. But seriously, the man today is sensitive and interested in bonding with his children and sharing those once despised feelings. This “New man” is talked about in Diane Barthel’s Men, Media, And The Gender Order. According to what I gained from Barthel’s article, we have come to change our idea of what a man should look and act like, but the underlying toughness is still a necessity. It’s as if we can’t let go of this notion that men have to be rugged and tough (but still sensitive) and that women shouldn’t be outspoken or cut their hair short lest we think they’re lesbians.

Another really interesting thing to look at is the lesbian stereotype and how feminists--straight, bisexual, and lesbian--react to being called “lesbian.” The word is hurled about viciously like an insult when it should be embraced and accepted into our culture. But of course it’s never that easy. And we aren’t getting any closer to acceptance today anyway when you look at how people react to being called a lesbian in the first place.

Anastasia Higginbotham talks about this in her essay Chicks Goin’ At It. She says, “Feminists are routinely ‘accused’ of being lesbians or man-haters (as if the two are synonymous). Straight feminists often scramble to defy this stereotype by proclaiming their unfailing love for men and their affinity for bikini waxes. Some subtly distance themselves from lesbians by wearing buttons that claim ‘straight but not narrow.’ ” (Pg.17, LU). The fact that many feminists can’t shake off the feeling that being a lesbian is a bad thing is ridiculous and detrimental to the cause. Gender plays such a big role in our lives that even those of us who claim to be aware don’t always recognize it, which makes it a master’s tool. It’s not enough to say that we’re ok with our identities and ourselves; we need to show it too. I know that I’ve defended my sexuality when I told people I was a feminist, and it infuriates me that I did so because sexuality should not be what defines anyone or me. I agree with Higginbotham when she says, “If being called a lesbian is an insult to me, then I am an insult to lesbians. Any feminist who fears being called lesbian, or who fears association with a movement demanding civil rights for gays, lesbians and bisexuals, is not worthy of being called a feminist.” (Pg.17, LU).

These issues are far from being resolved, but with more collaboration and among those who are fighting, the end could come sooner. It’s impossible to see where we’ll stand on sexuality in the future, but with any luck, it won’t be such a defining factor. We’ve come a long way since the early twentieth century so I don’t think it’s impossible to think we might overcome this.